Do you ever feel as though you are surrounded by people, but still alone? You’re not the only one. It’s very common to feel out of place in high school, even if you have a lot of friends. Many people, especially teens, can feel like outsiders in their friend group, don’t feel like they fit in, or just feel like something is off. Feeling this way doesn’t make you broken or unlovable; it may just mean you have needs that your friendships aren’t meeting. Adolescence is a pivotal time for self-discovery and identity formation. When discovering who you are, it can be difficult to determine what kind of friends you need. Therefore, it is important to understand what constitutes a genuine friendship so you can identify your true friends in high school.

Being In The Wrong Friend Group

While it is common to feel like an outsider in your friend group, some friends may just not be the right fit. If you’re unsure if your friendships are serving you, you can ask yourself some questions: Do I have to pretend to be someone I’m not around my friends? Do I often get left out of plans? Do I feel uncomfortable sharing things with my friends? Do my friends make me feel worse about myself after spending time with them? If the answer to these questions is yes, you may not be friends with people who see your worth.

What Makes A Good Friend?

Good friends will love you for exactly who you are. When searching for new friends or evaluating current friendships, look for:

  • Respect: Your friends should respect and understand your beliefs, desires, goals, and boundaries. Even if you are different from them, friends should never make you feel bad about what is important to you.
  • Support: Good friends show up for you even when it’s not convenient for them to do so. They show support when you need it. A friend should be there for you emotionally, and you should know you can rely on them.
  • Consistency: Good friends don’t hang out with you every day one week and ghost you the next. You should always know where you stand with your friends.
  • Connection: Having a mutual understanding and love for one another is a key part of friendship. You should feel valued, safe, seen, and comfortable being yourself around your friends.

Qualities like these are what make a strong, reliable, loving, and mutual friendship. The start to any good friendship is knowing what you deserve in a friend.

Finding Your People

When looking for new friendships, it is important to remember that quality is more important than quantity. Especially in high school, there is a lot of pressure to have a ton of friends. What is really important, however, is that those friends are there for you and appreciate who you are. Building new friendships can be daunting and can take time, but putting yourself out there with people who share your interests and values can go a long way. Be the kind of friend you’re looking for—kind, honest, and real—and the right people will notice.

If you still feel lonely, talking to a trusted adult, counselor, or therapist can help you sort through those feelings and learn what makes a strong, healthy friendship.