There are 48 recognized emotions in the English language, according to HUMAINE, a database dedicated to understanding human emotion. Understanding how these emotions function, particularly the difference between primary and secondary emotions, can transform the way caregivers and children communicate.

What Are Primary & Secondary Emotions?

  • Primary emotions are instinctive and immediate responses to events. These emotions arise before our brain has had time to analyze or interpret what’s happening.
  • The most recognized primary emotions are: Sadness, happiness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust.
  • Secondary emotions develop after the initial emotional response. These are shaped by our thoughts and interpretations of what we felt first.
    For example:

    • You may feel anger as a primary emotion, but then shame as a secondary emotion when you think, “I shouldn’t have felt that way.”
    • Or you may feel fear and then develop anxiety while trying to understand why you felt it.

Secondary emotions often take the lead when it comes to behavior and reactions, and understanding the difference can help deepen emotional awareness both for adults and children.

Supporting Your Child Through Emotional Reactions

Here’s a simple, five-step framework to help you connect with your child the next time they seem emotionally overwhelmed or reactive:

1. Pause

Remember, you’re also having an emotional reaction. Take a breath before responding. Acknowledge your own secondary emotions like frustration or worry.

2. Allow

Give your child space to feel their emotions. Often, children (and adults!) need to feel seen and heard before they are ready to talk about what’s going on beneath the surface.

3. Identify

Help your child name the emotion they are showing now (secondary emotion). This helps them build emotional vocabulary and begin separating feeling from behavior.

4. Trace

Ask, “What happened right before you started feeling this way?” This helps identify the trigger or inciting event.

5. Discover

Explore what the initial (primary) emotion might have been.
Ask, “What did you feel before your thoughts started talking?”
Use the six primary emotions to guide the discussion.

Keep Practicing

Building emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey. When we treat emotional skill-building like learning to read or ride a bike through patience, practice, and support we set the stage for lifelong resilience, healthy relationships, and emotional well-being.

Think of it this way: Primary emotions come from the heart. Secondary emotions come from the brain. Connecting heart-to-heart before engaging the rational brain can make all the difference.

It’s important to prioritize your mental health. For more information about our counseling services or to schedule a telehealth or an in-person session in DC, Bethesda, Alexandria, or McLean, please contact Sarah Smathers, our Client Services Specialist, at sarah@georgetownpsychology.com or (301) 652-5550.