What would you do if you weren’t scared? This question seems easy at first, and for most, we may initially begin to list off dreams of sky diving or cliff jumping, swimming with sharks and holding onto snakes, aspirations of performing on Broadway, or trying out for the local sports team. But what if you looked more closely into the moments each day in which you let fear, vulnerability, or risk of rejection hold you back from doing something important to you?
Fear makes us allergic to discomfort. Fear wants to keep us in proximity to familiar places, routines, experiences, and perspectives so that we can predict outcomes and be certain of our responsibility in any situation. Fear often taunts us with feelings of inferiority and self-doubt and maybe even justifies or downplays the things that are meaningful to us. Fear can get in the way of curiosity and openness, narrowing our perspective and eliminating creativity and expression.
As a therapist, I hear and speak of fear often. Many of the individuals I work with are seeking an opportunity to explore, understand, and unpack how fear, vulnerability, and/or discomfort have significantly influenced their lives. Fear of failure and being averse to vulnerability compiles over time, and slowly, our ability to feel confident about who we are within the context of the world around us shrinks. The ripple effect of letting fear win is that it begins to cloud our ability to make choices that align with our values. The consequence of not making value-driven choices is that we start to feel disconnected from our authentic selves, our world gets smaller, and the hope we once had for future endeavors or growth opportunities feels impossible.
So, what do we do when we are consumed with fear? Embrace It.
Fear and risk often come in two segments: uncertainty of outcome, “I don’t know what’s going to happen next/if/or…” followed by self-doubt, “I can’t handle risking the potential outcome.” Fear is not all bad; in fact, fear is a crucial evolutionary experience that has allowed us to survive and continue to evolve for centuries. It is a necessary alert system from the body that signals caution, leading us to slow down and take note of what’s happening.
However, when speaking of fear-dependent behavior or maladaptive avoidance, it’s important to note that every time we run from an opportunity to be courageous, vulnerable, or open to newness, it reinforces and heightens our doubt to feel capable of pursuing other new experiences. As we continue to avoid, turn away, distract, or dismantle ourselves away from these opportunities with fear – it starts to build a case against ourselves, so when other moments of risk and vulnerability arise or are needed, we take ourselves out much more quickly. Why? Because “that’s what we’ve always done,” our brain has been wired to believe that the short-term relief we get from dodging an unwanted experience is worth it.
Embracing uncertainty is not about ignoring fear or living a fearless life where we say “yes” to everything and push back against our body’s alert system. Learning to embrace uncertainty redefines the role of fear, anxiety, and risk in our decision-making process. It’s starting to slow down the process intentionally and taking a more conscious approach to how it interferes or influences our ability to live the most authentically.
“I’m scared AND I’m going to do it anyway.”
Embracing uncertainty is a daily practice in getting curious about the boundaries of our comfort zone. It’s about getting more comfortable with the uncomfortable experiences in our body and mind when faced with vulnerability and risk. When one starts to challenge their typical response to fear and perhaps chooses to lean into fear, we are inviting a new perspective and a new opportunity to learn something about ourselves and the world around us. This is not an easy process, and the first step of embracing uncertainty is to start exploring the internal or external experiences that we find to be uncomfortable and potentially considering what has gotten in the way of some of your dreams, relationships, or aspirations.
One of my favorite quotes about fear is from Marianne Williamson,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us… “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world….as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Embracing uncertainty and leaning into fear is contagious. When we are intentional about making authentically aligned decisions, we empower ourselves and the ones around us to do the same. Embracing uncertainty does NOT mean we will only get positive outcomes or guarantee some life-altering feeling of enlightenment. Embracing uncertainty will likely not make you feel less scared because that is not the point. Its goal is to make you feel more capable, courageous, and worthy of taking the risk so you can get back to living.
