The idea of a marriage lasting a lifetime is something that’s deeply ingrained in our culture. Many people envision spending their golden years with the person they got married to decades ago, however, some couples are rewriting this narrative. This shift, referred to as “grey divorce” (we prefer not to use that term and will call it “later in life divorce”) describes the rising number of couples aged 50 and older who choose to separate after decades of marriage. This isn’t driven by a midlife crisis, but by the realization that after many years together, a couple may have grown apart. In this blog, learn more about what later in life divorce is, the obstacles couples often face at this stage in their life, and how couples therapy can provide the tools and support needed to move forward with confidence, clarity, and strength.
What Is A “Later In Life” Divorce?
later in life divorce now represents a large share of divorces in the U.S. In 1990, only about 8 % of all divorces were among people age 50 and older. Today, about 40 % of divorces now involve older adults, showing how common later in life divorce has become. Divorces later in life often have different catalysts than those earlier in life, where issues like raising children or career demands play a bigger role in the separation. As children leave home, the demands of parenting and work subside, and retirement approaches, couples may realize that the strength of their connection has changed, and realize they have little in common. As people are living longer, social acceptance of divorce is changing, so if people are in an unhappy marriage, they are more likely to divorce.
What Are The Challenges Of Divorcing Later In Life?
After decades of marriage, finances are most likely intertwined and need to be separated. Then there’s the emotional aspect of it; telling your friends and family can feel really scary and nerve racking because of the shift in family dynamics.
Separating Finances
Finances can be a huge source of stress in later in life divorce. Splitting decades of shared assets from homes to retirement accounts is complicated, and if one partner stayed home, this could cause financial uncertainty about income and planning for future bills. Going from sharing finance, to being alone and retired makes you completely reevaluate your finances like discretionary spending vs disposable income.
Emotional Adjustments
Ending a long-term marriage later in life is a heavy toll to process. It signals not only the end of a marriage, but also the loss of shared memories, dreams, plans, and goals together. This can trigger feelings of grief, depression, loneliness, and, often triggering grief, loneliness, and loss of identity. Rebuilding a social life and discovering a renewed sense of purpose after a later in life divorce can be a gradual and often challenging process. You may share friends with your spouse and wonder who they will “choose.” It can take time to form new friendships, reestablish a support network, and embrace activities that bring joy and meaning. Therapy, support groups, and self-reflection can help ease this transition, providing guidance and encouragement as individuals create a fulfilling life on their own terms.
Change In Family Dynamics
Adult children—many of whom may have families of their own, can feel caught in the middle. They most likely will feel a mix of emotions from anger to sadness to confusion because their sense of a family unit is being broken up. Celebrations that were once traditions like holidays, birthdays, family dinners, etc., are now up in the air and will look different.
How Couples Therapy Can Help Navigate Later In Life Divorce
Couples therapy isn’t only for partners that want to work on their marriage, but is also really helpful as you navigate this new reality. Couples who have been married for decades often find that communication has broken down over time, due to years of unresolved conflicts and lingering resentments. Identifying and working through these patterns is an important part in the healing journey so both individuals can move forward and have a healthy relationship with each other, should that be the goal.
For couples who are considering or going through a later in life divorce, couples therapy provides a supportive and safe space to process emotions, have honest conversations, and discuss challenges so you both have the tools to feel confident and comfortable through this difficult transition. At Georgetown Psychology, we help couples navigate the changes that come with divorce by providing tools and strategies to set healthy boundaries and have open communication as you adjust to life separately.
We have in-person appointments in Georgetown (DC), Bethesda (MD), McLean (VA), and Alexandria (VA), and convenient telehealth services in 43 states. Contact Sarah Smathers at sarah@georgetownpsychology.com or (301) 652-5550 to schedule an appointment or for more information.
We also offer psychological testing, adult ADHD testing, and cognitive baseline testing.
